Breaking up.

They’re all negative experiences, surely. We go through our lives hoping that these events visit us few times. Afterall, dealing with a personal loss is a huge deal. Failing at something sucks. Breaking up is a bitch.

An important tidbit of information to keep with you at all times is that these things exist. People die all the time. People fail all the time. People breakup all the time. Now you might be saying, duh that’s obvious. Of course, it’s weird because we KNOW this, but we don’t really understand it.

Unintentionally, we deny that these negative experiences exist. When we’re born, we never start off thinking: “Well, I’m alive now so I’m just dying really, really slowly.” When we find success in something: “Well this was successful, next time I’ll fail though.” Or when you start a dating someone new: “I really like them; too bad we’ll break up in a year.”

These thoughts never cross our mind because internally, we don’t want them to, thus we deny them. Yet denying a negative experience creates the existence of more problems and more negative experiences. It’s a vicious cycle that goes on subconsciously in our own heads.

Even though life sucks at times it’s healthy to recognize that yes, life deals you shitty cards and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re not in control here. You may think you are, but you’re not.

I know in my own personal experience, I denied that my breakup happened for months. I tried to hold onto the tattered fragments of that relationship as long as I could. I didn’t want to acknowledge that this negative experience existed and that it was happening to me. I thought that if I ignored it long enough, the wrongs would right themselves and I’d be in the clear.

Boy was I wrong. I couldn’t have been anymore wrong. But I learned a lot. Denying the breakup only led to bigger, greater problems in my life. Denial feeds those other problems and they sprout like weeds.

It took a long time, eight months for me to admit this problem. That’s a long freaking time. I remember thinking, during the midst of this turmoil, that there was no way I could ever get anything positive out of this experience. Now, a few years later, I’ve realized that it was this painful experience that added so much value to my life and I’m better off for it. I’ve learned to recognize that this is true for a lot of things, not just the breakups.

It’s the painful things, the moments that suck so bad you’d do anything to get out of, that build character and personal value. Like training in the gym, when your muscles are screaming and your lungs burn from oxygen starvation. In the moment, it completely sucks. Your entire body is on fire. Your legs are shaking and sweat is dripping from your brow. You want to do nothing more than lie down on that mat and stop. But you stick it out, despite the pain. Weeks later you begin to see the benefits as your muscles grow more toned and you can see changes in the mirror. You’re starting to get in shape. These painful experiences breed positive results.

If we had no pain, no negativity, no problems in our lives, what would there be to work towards?

No problems = No fulfillment.

These problems, challenges, failures, issues, breakups, suffering…all inspire change. That’s the mindset you need to start adopting.

Don’t treat it like the end.

Treat it like the beginning.

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